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A Window On My World

This is not a daily blog.
Posts will be published on occasion and irregularly as I am able.
Some of these posts are from my web site The Garden At Crocker Croft.
Barbee's Little Shop Is the sales branch of my blog and web site. divider

Thursday, May 01, 2008

My Candle


I love my website and blog.


My website and blog give me an opportunity to pull out all the old dusty papers and folders where bits and pieces of me have been stored. Assorted thoughts on paper scattered through my years of putting away, here and there, some never to be found again. Now, where did I put…. I know I wrote a little essay about....., search - search again - it's nowhere to be found. Must be in the same place as that binder that held my collection of wildflower information I assembled for a few years. I've looked high and low. Maybe that's with the pair of glass candlesticks.

To put YOU in the know: There is a pair of inexpensive, short clear glass candleholders that I have seen four times over the last forty years. I have looked and looked for them as I wanted to use them, but the only times I have seen them were: when we moved house to house.

As I packed our belongings for moving, I would come across them and with a disgusted feeling would think: Of course! That's the logical place! That's right where they should be! Why didn't I think of it? In three houses I've thought that. And now, in this, yet another house, it's the same thing - again! (Exasperation!) I have looked high and low, but they are nowhere to be found. I think there is an imp who plays games with me. Some little playful, impish spirit deliberately hides things. Wherever the glass candlesticks are, there surely is a stack of my papers and binders of information collected, plus who knows what else is with them; possibly everything we've tried to find for years.

Reminds me of maternal grandmother Mammaw Bennett's story about their pet raccoon. She said when she was a girl (my mind's eye pictured a log cabin), they (her four sisters, Brother, and herself) had a pet raccoon. I asked, "What did you call it?" She replied, "Cooney. But, he kept getting into trouble". "Why?", the child asked. "Because he kept hiding things. He'd hide Ma's thimbles and scissors and spoons and every shiny thing he could get his paws on. One day Ma was fed up with the aggravation of him hiding her things with her having so much to do and trying to get her work done. So Ma took Cooney for a walk in the woods - and came back without him."
"Oh--", said the child.

The child is grown and old herself, now, and I think somewhere there very well could be a little imp who steals during the night, then hides during the day, perhaps in the woods where it plays with a raccoon called Cooney. And, there are some of my belongings that may never be found again - unless we move to another house. I'd like to take that pesky imp for a walk somewhere. Until then, I will work with what I can find.

A routine has established itself. Daytime is for gardening and people, then interacting with family into the evenings. Then quiet nights into mornings are for writing, plus website maintenance, with an occasional sleep-in to catch up. The hazy feeling in my head and lethargic body remind me, I'm "burning my candle at both ends".

An ode to blogging and website writing could be
Edna St. Vincent Millay's poem that goes
round and round and round in my head:


My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--
It gives a lovely light!

10 comments:

Kate said...

I wish I had read this during the first couple months of caring for my baby! Sometimes, with great exhaustion come greater rewards. Good call.

Barbee' said...

Kate, what a beautiful thought. Thank you for adding it to this post.

Nancy J. Bond said...

Beautifully penned. I think we all feel this way from time to time. And life streaks past us at an alarming rate the older we get. :) (Edna St. V. Millay is one of my favorite poets...in fact, my very favorite poem is her Journey.)

Barbee' said...

Nancy, I consider that high praise as it comes from you :) I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you for sharing your thoughts about St. V. Millay and your favorite poem. I will look it up to read, but probably not tonight; my eyes are giving out on me.

Aunt Debbi/kurts mom said...

Barbee, what a great post. I have treasures put away out of my reach also. I wish I had a coon I could blame that on, but it is all me.

tina said...

I think I spend my life looking for stuff! Too much! It is always the same. We just seem to know where it is but can never quite find it. Life is busy.

Ross said...

Hi Barbee,
I love the image of Cooney and the imp playing together in the forest somewhere.
I've only been blogging a short while, but it does seem to become a consuming pastime. I also have to segment time for it otherwise I wouldn't get any work done. I'll look up Edna St. V. Millay.

Steve said...

On the face of it, what an oddity: gardeners and poets working in dirt and stressing over the most organic life possible, cradling all that existence in their hands and minds.......then typing and working on Spyware on a machine made of plastic and alloys.

But if it gives souls like yours a chance to shine, even for a moment, it's well worth it. I love your blog, Barbee. You do it right, dear. That was beautiful.

You'll have to let me make you a waterfall. I get back there every Summer, plus I work for beer!;-)

Barbee' said...

Debbi: Thanks for the smile. Misery loves company.

Tina: I wholeheartedly agree. But we have reached the age that now we are slowing down, at least until I get another spurt of energy. Just treading water right now. If I'd get more sleep, maybe I wouldn't be so tired. Ah, that puts me back to the post :)

Ross: You are smart to segment your time for blogging. Thank you for spending some of that valuable time here on my blog; that is a priceless gift - thank you. For more about St. V. Millay see link below.

And, Steve, there you are - the level headed, sensible one seeing straight to the point. Interesting observation.

Your comment is thought provoking and poetic, too, thank you.

For those interested in more of Edna St. Vincent Millay here is a link (hope I do this correctly so it works) Edna St. Vincent Millay poetry Her poem that Nancy Bond mentionedJourney is way down on the page in that list.

VP said...

A lovely story Barbee. Thanks for stopping by at my blog last week. Sorry it's taken a while to hop on back over to you, but I've been on holiday...